


His Life Jacket, His Lighthouse, His Home

by cunningdeb



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, Kris Allen - Fandom
Genre: Accident, Alcohol Abuse, Angst, Hospital, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:04:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1479049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunningdeb/pseuds/cunningdeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Kris get into an argument which leads to a terrible accident. Kris blames himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Life Jacket, His Lighthouse, His Home

THIS AFTERNOON

“I am not playing this game any more!” 

Adam charged out of the store onto Sunset Boulevard, arms flailing, shopping bags swinging around. The door flew open behind him.

“Adam, wait! Let me explain!”

“Forget it Kris!” he shouted back, heading down the street. “I don’t need this shit in my life. Make up your fucking mind, yes or no?”

Kris ran after him but his best friend’s long legs kept taking him farther away.

“I’m sorry, I know I screwed up. Give me another chance!” he yelled after him.

Adam stopped and spun around on his heel. He laughed, his voice laced of venom.

“I’ve given you nothing but chances. First you want to … then you don’t … then you want to again … now you don’t…” Adam was stepping backwards as he ranted. “What about me? Have you given any fucking thought as to how I’m feeling? I’m not a tin man, I have a heart!”

“Adam, slow down, stop!”

“What? Haven’t I gone slowly enough for you? You asked me to be patient and I have been, for months, but patience only stretches so far.” He kept moving back. “Mine’s just snapped and whipped me in the ass. No, no, it’s over!”

“Adam … Adam loooookkkkk oooouuuuuttttttt!!!!!”

Tires screeched and a black clad body was tossed into the air like a rag doll, limbs flopping everywhere and brand new clothing becoming airborne. With a thump and a crash, Adam’s body rolled up the car’s hood, into and up the windshield and came to a rest on the roof, his face down, a lifeless marionette.

The Hollywood street filled with screams. Everyone who witnessed it ran to help. Kris froze in time, staring at the scene like some horrible movie he didn’t want to watch but couldn’t tear his eyes away from. Dozens of people got on their cell phones and those who rushed to Adam’s aid stood around helplessly, afraid to touch him in case they hurt him more.

Kris slowly sank onto the sidewalk, looking up as two tendrils of blood started dripping over the roof and down the passenger windows.

 

LATE THAT NIGHT

The waiting room was crowed. In Los Angeles, it was always crowded. Kris sandwiched himself in between the mother of a sick child and the sister of a rape victim. Adam had been in surgery for hours and Kris didn’t know what was worse – waiting for him to come out or waiting to tell Leila and Eber that he had caused this accident. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t started something he couldn’t finish, Adam wouldn’t have stepped off the sidewalk into traffic.

He heard familiar voices over the racket. Kris looked up, spotting Adam’s parents at the nurses’ station. He walked over to them and placed a hand on Leila’s shoulder. She spun around, her face pale and streaked with tears. Her lips moved but nothing came out.

“How Kris? How could this happen?” Eber begged, his voice small and terrified.

Kris couldn’t talk. He shook his head and caught Leila as she collapsed into his arms, holding on to him like she wished she could hold her son. Eber enveloped the two smaller bodies in his arms and they stood there in silence.  
.

EARLY THE NEXT MORNING

Leila and Eber finally left their son’s bedside, taking a break. They didn’t think they needed one but the nurse insisted on it. The grieving parents agreed only if their son’s best friend could stay with him. Only family was allowed in the intensive care units but as far as they were concerned, Kris was family. Seeing their pain, the staff relented, letting Kris go in.

Kris entered the room to a chorus of humming, swishing and beeping machines. Beneath a myriad of tubes and bandages was the broken body of the best thing that ever happened to him. Adam had suffered a shattered right hip, broken ribs, a broken right arm, extensive internal bleeding and severe head trauma. Bruising and cuts from the impact with the windshield marred his beautiful face. His ebony hair disappeared beneath a turban of bandages. It was a miracle he had survived, the doctor had told the Lamberts.

Reaching out carefully, Kris found an expanse of exposed skin and touched his friend. The flesh felt cold and sent shivers up the younger man’s arm. No, this was a dream, a nightmare, this couldn’t happen to Adam. Adam was indestructible. Adam was unbreakable. Adam was his life jacket, his lighthouse, his home.

“Kris?”

A soft, feminine voice broke through his haze. He looked towards the door at his wife Katy. She looked around her cautiously, hoping no one noticed she had slipped in. She walked over to husband and stopped fast when her eyes fell on her sweet Adam, hand flying up to her face.

“Oh my God, I … I thought the news reports were wrong.” She moved closer, taking Kris’ hand and coming to a stop beside the bed. “How is he?”

“How do you think,” Kris replied, harsher than he would have liked.

Katy didn’t take offense. She pulled her husband into a hug, rubbing his back. Kris’ arms stayed at his side, unresponsive, as he peered over her shoulder at Adam and wished Adam were the one holding him instead.

 

ONE WEEK LATER

The bruises started fading and the cuts and broken bones were healing but other than that nothing had changed. Adam was still in intensive care and he still hadn’t woken up.

Over the course of the week, many friends and family had arrived, literally taking over the waiting area. The nurses’ station was fielding so many calls from the media and fans that they had a designated line set up to manage them. Flowers came by the van load and the Lamberts had them distributed amongst the other patients in the hospital. 

Kris had only left the hospital twice, each time to go home for a shower, a change of clothes and then he came right back. He ate, slept and lived at the hospital. When he wasn’t at Adam’s side, he was in the chapel, reciting every prayer he knew and making them up when he had to. Underlying everything he felt was guilt, even though no one blamed him. Even the police declared it was just a terrible accident. But no matter how much he was assured that, he knew the truth. He had driven Adam into the street, distracting him with his cowardly pleas and as a result, his best friend was paying for his stupidity.

Returning from the chapel, Kris heard the doctor’s voice coming out of Adam’s room.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lambert, Adam doesn’t show any signs of emerging from this coma. It is my opinion that when his body had healed sufficiently from his other injuries, that he be moved to a long term care facility.”

“What are you saying doctor,” Eber demanded. “that you’re putting my son in a nursing home?”

“Yes Mr. Lambert, that’s what I’m recommending.”

“Is there … is there any chance he will come out of this?” Leila asked, her voice desperate as she clung to her ex-husband.

“The longer he remains unconscious, the less likely that will happen. I am sorry.”

 

THREE WEEKS LATER, ONE MONTH AFTER THE ACCIDENT

Kris stood in the hallway, waiting anxiously as Adam was settled into his new home. Leila and Eber were inside the room, talking with the chief of staff and asking about their son’s long term care. Luckily, Adam had purchased an extensive life insurance policy after his debut album made him financially secure. There was enough money there to cover his care for years….

This facility served as a nursing home for the elderly and for younger patients who suffered as the results of medical conditions or accidents. The overwhelming majority of residents here were senior citizens. The doors to other rooms on the floor were open and Kris could hear televisions and conversations and the cries of lonely patients trying to get a nurse’s attention. Leila had wanted Adam home but Eber talked sense into her; Adam would need care 24/7 and she just couldn’t provide that for him. She said they could hire staff and have any medical equipment moved into the house but in the end, she realized it was more for her than him. This is where he needed to be; this was where her son could be cared for properly.

“Excuse me young man.”

Kris emerged from his thoughts and noticed the elderly lady standing beside him. He was leaning against the handrail that lined the hallway and she was trying to get by him with her cane.

“I’m sorry ma’am. Can I give you a hand?” Kris apologized, offering his arm.

She graced him with a warm smile as she accepted, her frail hand squeezing his arm.

“Such beautiful manners. Your mama must be very proud of you.”

Kris mouth twitched into the faint curve of a smile.

“I hope so ma’am.”

She looked towards the closed door he had been standing by.

“I heard we were having a new resident move in today.”

“Yes, my best friend.”

“Ah, how sweet,” she exclaimed. “It’s wonderful when young people consider their elders best friends.”

Kris laughed despite himself. Granted, Adam was a few years older than him but to call him his elder? Adam would have split his pants laughing over that.

“Did I say something funny?” She wasn’t upset, just curious.

“Adam…Adam is only a few years older than me.”

Sorrow shaded her face and she patted his arm.

“I am sorry. That poor boy. May I ask what happened?”

“He … he was hit by a car…a month ago. He hasn’t woken up since.”

The door to Adam’s room was opened and the doorstop pushed down. The doctor and nurse came out and Leila waved him in. He wanted to go and see Adam but he couldn’t, not yet.

“Do you need help getting somewhere, um….”

“Mary. My name is Mary Trembley.”

“Hi Mary, I’m Kristopher Allen.”

“I’m fine Kristopher. Why don’t you go in and see your friend.”

“No, no, that’s okay, I’ll…” he stammered, trying to prolong the inevitable.

Mary may have been in her 80s but she was as sharp as a tack. “Yes, there is something you can help me with.”

“Anything?” he asked eagerly.

“Introduce me to my new neighbor.”

She headed towards Adam’s room and Kris had to follow. Kris made the introductions then helped Mary over to the bed. The bruising on Adam’s face was gone but he had a scar down his cheek and one on his chin. The bandages were off his head and where a section of hair had been shaved for surgery was a blond tiger stripe. If it weren’t for all the medical mechanicals attached to him, Adam would have appeared to be sleeping.

Mary reached out and took Adam’s hand. She tilted her head and smiled. “What a beautiful boy you have Mr. & Mrs. Lambert.”

“Thank you, and please, call us Leila and Eber, Mrs. Trembley.”

“Only if you call me Mary.” They nodded and she turned back to the young man. What a shame, she thought. A whole life ahead of him and in a flash…

Kris looked at Adam then looked around the room. It was cozy enough but it wasn’t home. Adam should be enjoying his new house, the first home he had ever bought. Adam hadn’t even been living there for six months yet.

“I, um … I have to go. Mary, do you need…”

Eber stepped forward. “That’s all right Kris, I’ll help her back to her room.” He touched the young man’s shoulder, his voice understanding. “I know you need to leave, its okay. We’ll see you tomorrow?”

Kris nodded goodbye and left as quickly as he could. He stepped outside, taking a deep breath. He could do this; he had to do this for Adam. Kris couldn’t be with him when Adam was….so he’d be there for him now, for as long as it took.

 

TWO WEEKS LATER, 1 ½ MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT

Since Adam has moved in, he’d had a steady stream of visitors – his parents and Kris of course but also Alison, Scarlett, Brad, Drake, Cassidy, Allie, Katy, Monte, Tommy, Lisa and Longineu. They all spent time with him, talking, hoping he’d answer but not surprised when he didn’t. Kris was there constantly but when other visitors stopped by, he made himself scarce, usually visiting Mary. She didn’t have any family and she had adopted Kris and Adam as her ‘grandsons’. She would stop in once a day to visit with Adam, usually when Kris was there. While Mary hadn’t known Adam before the accident, she felt like she knew him now, through the stories told to her by his parents and Kris. He seemed like a very special boy.

Mary had also watched Kris with him. Although she grew up in a more conservative time, she wasn’t blind to the behaviors of love. The way Kris would hold Adam’s hand, or fix his hair, or let his fingers linger on that sweet face, she knew it was more than friendship. Kris lit up when he talked about Adam as she imagined Adam’s face had once done the same when he had talked about Kris. She didn’t exactly understand this kind of love but she felt for them – Sleeping Beauty and his Prince Charming but without the magical kiss and happy ending.

That morning, Mary had gone for her daily walk, ending up in Adam’s room as usual. Kris was already there and he was looking at a computer screen and listening to angelic singing.

“Good morning Kristopher.”

He turned the volume down before answering.

“Please don’t stop it, it’s lovely.”

“It’s Adam.”

“Really?”

The tottered over to him and Kris got up, offering his chair. She gratefully took it and Kris pulled up another chair and a table. He opened the computer and explained that Adam is a singer and actor and that Youtube was overloaded with musical performances and interviews by him. He played her a couple of interviews Adam had done so she could hear his speaking voice. Adam charmed her as he charmed everyone. Kris’ cell vibrated in his pocket but he ignored it. Next he put on some of Adam’s earlier performances, performances Kris thought would appeal to her. They were listening to “As Long as You’re Mine” when his cell went off again. Once more, he ignored it. Next, they listened to “Is Anybody Listening?” Mary was enchanted, wanting to hear more and more. Kris showed her how to start a video and she opened a few files – “Tracks of My Tears”, “Mad World”, “If I Can’t Have You”. All the while, Kris’ phone kept going off.

He was just about to start “Come to Me, Bend to Me” when a candy stripper came in and told him there was a call for him at the nurses’ station. Kris started the link, excused himself and answered his call.

“And here I thought you were ignoring me. Did you battery die?” Katy started, somewhat lightheartedly but Kris noticed the hint of anger under it.

“I’m sorry, they don’t like us using our phones here,” he fibbed. He knew why she was calling and he didn’t want to deal with it.

“Your manager called – again. He said you need to get back to promoting your album.”

“I need to be here.”

“Kris, I know Adam was one of your best friends…”

“He IS my best friend,” he shot back.

“Sorry, sorry, you’re right. But do you remember what Leila told Neil when he wanted to move back here from New York?”

“Yeah.” 

Neil had wanted to move back after the accident to be near his brother and to help but his mom told him Adam wouldn’t want him to give up his great job when there really wasn’t anything Neil could do for him. In the end, Neil stayed in New York but flew in on the weekends.

“Well, Adam wouldn’t want you giving up on your dream either. He’d be disappointed if you let this slip through your fingers. Do you understand?”

Katy didn’t understand that being with Adam was now his dream and that he had let that slip away. He had to be here. Here was where he belonged, at Adam’s side.

“I’ll … I’ll take care of it. Thanks for calling me.”

“When will you be home?” she asked, as if she didn’t know. He always came home now after midnight, smelling of beer.

“Whenever. Bye.”

Walking down the hall, Kris swore he heard Adam’s voice. He stopped and listened hard.

“Uh, uh, uh, uh…”

That was Adam, gasping! Thrilled and scared, he bolted down the hall. He rounded the corner and stopped short - Adam was still asleep, not moving so much as an eyelash. Kris did, however, see Mary in front of the computer, hand to her heart and a girlish smile on her face, her eyes bright. She hadn’t seen him and Kris was glad; she might be a little embarrassed. She had somehow clicked on “Crawl Thru Fire” and was experiencing Adam at his most outrageous and fabulous. She was fanning herself, little ‘oh my’’s sneaking out through her thin lips. Kris backed out of the room and waited until the song ended. He made a point of being noisy so she knew he was coming back. He waited thirty seconds then came in. Mary was once again listening to Adam sing from Brigadoon but she looked much happier than when Kris had left her.

 

ONE MONTH LATER, 2 ½ MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT

Kris came home following another drinking binge. 

It had been a rough day. First, he walked into Adam’s room to find a totally different guy lying there – okay, it was Adam but it didn’t look much like the Adam he knew and loved. Over the months, as his hair grew out, the artificial black was being replaced by the natural strawberry blond. Leila had wanted to dye his hair but the staff wouldn’t let her, saying it would be too messy. So instead, the natural color had been taking over. Adam’s hair rested on his shoulders by this point, half and half, and that morning, when Kris arrived for his vigil, he found Adam with a stylish short haircut – all blond. The nurse explained his mother had sent one of his favorite stylists over to take care of him. He looked fantastic, short at the sides and spiked on top, flopping over his forehead but he didn’t look like Kris’ Adam. 

Mary had joined them that afternoon for her daily visit. They were talking to Adam about his days in “Wicked” when his breathing became ragged. Kris pressed the call button for the nurse and they were ushered out, the door closing behind them. Soon, the doctor showed up and headed inside. Ten minutes later, more staff arrived, carrying new medical equipment. Mary was getting shaky on her legs so Kris helped her to her room, promising to give her an update as soon as he knew anything. The doctor and others came out, instructions being given to contact Adam’s family.

“Doc, what is it?”

“Nothing we can’t treat Kris,” the doctor began. Kris had become such a fixture on the floor that everyone called him by his first name. “Adam has developed a bronchial infection but we’ve put him on an oxygen mask and are administering antibiotics through the IV drip. Don’t worry, it happens quite often.”

The doctor left and Kris slipped into the room. He sat beside the bed, taking Adam’s hand in his and kissing each finger, his eyes glued to Adam’s still face. His breathing was still ragged but didn’t sound as labored as before. He wondered what this was doing to Adam’s vocal chords. Would he able to sing again? Would he be able to do anything again?

Kris stayed until visiting hours were up. They had brought him dinner when the patients were fed but the tray remained untouched. Kris had been holding Adam’s hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb for nigh on five hours. He hadn’t let go through medical tests and visitors – including Leila – and his own exhaustion. Katy was shouting in his head that this wasn’t healthy, this obsession with Adam. They didn’t talk anymore, they yelled and it usually ended up with one of them in tears. At least when he got home after a night of binge drinking, she was already asleep, lately in the guest room.

He came home well after midnight, some time when it was still dark, he knew that much. Kris fumbled with the lock and teetered through the living room on his way to the bathroom. He had to pee the Colorado River. When he finally emerged, he found Katy waiting outside the bathroom door.

“We need to talk.”

“Later,” he mumbled, bumping into the wall and stumbling towards the bedroom.

Katy grabbed the back of his shirt, bringing him to an abrupt halt.

“No Kris, now. In the kitchen.”

He obeyed but refused to sit at the table with her. She set a cup of black coffee beside him on the counter and took a seat. Kris leaned on the counter, his hands resting against the sink.

“I know we’ve had this conversation before but you probably don’t remember; you’re always drunk when we do.”

“I ‘member.”

“If that’s true, you know that I love you, and I love Adam, but I think it’s time you let him go.”

“Wha?”

“He has a lot of friends to look out for him, not to mention his family, but this … this obsession you have with him, constantly being by his bedside even though he doesn’t know you’re there, talking to him like he’s going to answer…”

“Doc says some … some pa-pa …people hear what you say.”

Katy leaned forward, hands around her mug to steady them. “What do you say to him Kris? What do you have to say that is more important than anyone else? Do you tell him your music career has frozen to a halt because you’re spending all of your time with him? Do you tell him that you get wasted every night? Do you tell him we’re not sleeping in the same bed any more? What do you tell him Kris?”

He swiped his hand through his messy hair, his red eyes burning. “None of your d-d-damn business.”

“If our marriage is falling apart because of him it is my damn business.”

Kris shook his head wildly. The room spun around and he sunk to the floor, leaning against the cabinets. He rested his elbows on his bent knees, linking his fingers.

“Our marriage is fallin’ part cause of me,” he declared, his voice quivering.

Katy got up from the table and sat on the floor beside him. They didn’t touch.

“Go on,” she urged quietly.

He looked up towards the ceiling fan, tucking his linked fingers under his chin.

“I … I love him.”

“Of course you do, he’s one of your best friends.”

“No,no,no,no,no…I want to hold him. I want to kiss him. I want to t-t-touch h-him. I want to have s-s-s…”

“Kris stop.” Deep in her heart, she had figured this out months ago. She didn’t want to believe it.

“K-Katy … I … I … I’m in … in love with him.”

“That’s the alcohol talking.”

“No, the beer has just given me nerve. S’all my fault. I … I led him on. I t-told Adam that … that I loved him then took it back, over, over again. Last time, he got real mad, walked into car and crash!” He lowered his head, wishing he could die.

Katy was silent for some time. When she spoke, she said what Kris wanted to hear and what he didn’t want to hear.

“You can stay tonight but in the morning, I want you to leave. I … this … I need time. If you have no place to go, I’ll leave but I’m not staying here with you.”

“No, no, I … I’ll go. My fault, I’ll go.”

He awkwardly got to his feet and holding the walls for support, he made it to his room and collapsed on his bed face first. Now he had what he wanted, he was free, but he didn’t have what he needed…Adam.

\--*--

Just around sunrise, Kris woke up with a killer hangover. He opened the bottle of Tylenol he now kept in his side table and chewed them dry. His ears pounded as he got up and gathered a few of his things together in a backpack. Kris changed his clothes and headed down the hallway to the front door. He passed by the kitchen. Katy was sitting at the table, holding the same mug; he wondered if she had even gone to bed. She didn’t look at him when he spoke.

“I’ll call and tell you where I am when I know where I’m going.” He looked down at his feet. “I’m … I’m sorry Katy. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Kris started for the front door when she replied.

“You’re not driving are you? I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Nah, I took a taxi home last night. I’m going to walk, clear my head.”

Without a word he left and Katy didn’t stop him.

\--*--

Kris hadn’t kept track of time but an hour or so later, he found himself in front of Adam’s house. He walked up the path and sat on the stoop, resting his aching legs. He felt closer to Adam here, starting thinking about the day Adam gave him the grand tour after he’d bought the place.

The front door cracked open.

“Kris, what are you doing here?”

He hurried to his feet and spun around, a little too quickly and lost his balance. Leila’s hand caught him and guided him into the house. She pulled her housecoat around her.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Leila had moved into Adam’s home after it was apparent Adam wasn’t going to be there any time soon to take care of the place. Kris knew that but it had slipped his mind in all his internal chaos.

“I … I don’t have anywhere to go,” he mumbled, not able to look her in the eye.

“What about your home? Katy?”

“All gone. It’s over. I told her I’m in love with Adam and it’s all over.”

Leila opened her arms and he fell into them, clutching at her. She rubbed his back.

“It’s all right Kris. You can stay here for the time being. Adam has plenty of room for you.”

 

TWO WEEKS LATER, THREE MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT

The status quo hadn’t changed. Kris still wasn’t with Katy. Leila still had a houseguest. Mary still kept up the daily visits with ‘her boys’. Adam was still unconscious, still blond. Kris was still drinking and still weighed down by guilt.

He tried a new bar. Finding a booth in a dark corner, Kris continued to spend his dwindling savings on beer to dull his pain. The room was fuzzy and the jukebox music grating. Kris emptied his glass and another beer miraculously appeared before him. Then there was warmth pressing against his side and an arm draped over his shoulder.

“Mind if I buy you a drink?”

The male voice wasn’t familiar but when Kris looked up through heavy eyelids, he saw black hair and blue eyes staring back at him.

“A-Adam?”

“Sure, yeah, call me Adam. I’ll be Adam. Can I join you?”

Kris nodded awkwardly, bewildered and thrilled at the same time. His drinking companion picked up his own drink, a martini, and toasted the air.

“Here’s to making new friends.”

Turning towards the mirage, Kris let go of his beer and grasp the man’s shirt.

“Adam, I’m s-s-sorry I hurt you, it … it’s all my f-f-fault. I … I shouldn’t of took it back. F’give me, please!”

“Sure baby, sure I’ll forgive you. Let’s kiss and make up.”

The hand belonging to the arm around his neck started stroking his hair. Kris closed his eyes, the touch stirring him. A sweaty palm settled on his forehead and pressed, forcing his head back. Vodka laden lips covered his, a strong tongue forcing itself into his mouth, stabbing down his throat. Kris kissed back, months of pent up desires pouring out. Another hand curved over his thigh and settled on his crotch, stroking him through his jeans.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, common sense was treading in a sea of beer and trying to reach him. The hand was no longer on his jeans but in his underwear, circling him and yanking. Kris could feel the orgasm starting and his head cleared enough that he knew this wasn’t right. 

With clumsy accuracy, Kris shooed the hand away and he was able to push the stranger off the seat and out of the booth.

“No … no … I … I need to go home.”

An arm snacked around his waist. Kris felt a breeze below his belt and got himself together.

“I’ll take you home. Better yet, let’s to my place.”

Kris moved away. “Visitin’ hours over, no … no nursin’ home.”

“What?” his persistent new friend exclaimed, laughing. “Is this Adam dude some old fart? You getting dirty for social security kickbacks or something?”

“Need to go home.” Kris ignored him and made his way to the bar. “Taxi please.”

“There’s one waiting out there. Need help?”

“No … no, thanks.” He dropped a $40 on the bar, pointing his finger at the guy still laughing behind him. “It’s on me.”

\--*--

The taxi driver had all the windows open and the whipping breeze brought Kris to his senses. He started to realize what had happened back there and what could have happened and he shuddered. What was he doing?

The taxi pulled up at Adam’s place and Kris paid the driver than stumbled up the path. He had some trouble finding the keyhole but at least he didn’t have to remember the security code. He made a beeline to the kitchen where he knew a pot of strong coffee would be waiting for him, just as it was every night since he moved in. He opened the fridge and pulled out the peanut butter and jam sandwiches he knew would be there too. On his third coffee and second sandwich, it occurred to him what Leila was doing. No security alarm, a pot of coffee, a plate of sandwiches, everything waiting for him every night. He wasn’t fooling her as he obviously hadn’t been fooling Katy. Only Leila wasn’t lecturing him. She wasn’t his mother or his wife, just a concerned friend offering what help she could. She had every right to throw him out but she hadn’t. Two weeks ago, he came out and blatantly told her he was in love with her son. Maybe she accepted it, accepted him. And what was he doing to thank her – coming home drunk every night and giving her another sick boy to worry about. 

It had to stop – he had to stop – now.

Kris always passed by Adam’s bedroom on his way to his own room, never stopping. This time he did. He opened the door and walked into the lingering scent of Adam. He turned on the light then quickly lowered the dimmer until he could see but wasn’t stabbing himself in the eyes. The bed was made, the room neat and clean. Kris made his way to the closet, running his hands over the glittery club clothes and designer suits to the casual shirts and jeans. He picked out a grey and black t-shirt and stripped down to his briefs, slipping the shirt on. Since Adam was taller, the shirt hung low on Kris, the hem landing mid thigh. He gathered up the collar and brought it to his nose, breathing deeply a heavenly mix of Dior Homme and Adam’s natural scent. 

He crawled into Adam’s bed and hugged a pillow to his chest, burying his face into the soft cotton. Kris let the tears fall, let his fear out instead of trying to suppress it. He was lost. The one person he loved more than anything would never know how he really felt. 

A hand touched his hair and he rolled onto his back, looking up at Leila. She had a sad smile on her face and she continued soothing him.

“Its okay, Kris. Adam knows. He knows.”

Kris smiled weakly, warmed by her certain knowledge of what was in her son’s heart.

“Leila….help me. Can you help me?”

She nodded and he closed his eyes, drifting into his first real sleep in months.

 

TWO MONTHS LATER, FIVE MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT

Kris hurried down the hall to Adam’s room. It had been a month since he’d seen him last, having just come home after an intense month of rehab and counseling in Phoenix. Kris had talked to Leila every night and was given detailed reports on how Adam was doing. Kris had been glad to hear that Mary had been spending more time with Adam although what they had in common besides him, Kris had no clue.

He didn’t know what he was expecting when he entered the room. Adam’s hair was longer and he was thinner, but nothing else had changed; not the room’s decor, not Adam’s condition. But Kris had changed. He had stopped drinking and had stopped blaming himself for the accident. Katy had come down to Phoenix for a week and they were able to really talk. She had left for Conway still his friend but no longer his wife. His heart was where it wanted to be – with a young fart in a nursing home. 

Mary was sitting beside Adam, patting his leg and telling him about her trip to Boca Raton ten years ago. She heard a shuffle in the doorway and her smile beamed.

“Kristopher, welcome home!”

She struggled to get up but he rushed to her side, dropping to his knees and giving her an affectionate hug.

“How I’ve missed you. Here.” He gave her the bouquet of flowers he had brought for her. “Thank you for taking my place; I really appreciate it. I’m sure Adam does too.”

They quickly caught up then Mary left, letting them get reunited. She nudged the doorstop with her cane and the large door silently closed behind her. Kris sat on the bed beside Adam, leaning over. His other hand brushed Adam’s hair.

“Hey beautiful. Did you miss me?” He paused, imagining a response. “Good … cause I missed you like crazy. Adam, I need to tell you something. I hope you can hear me but if you can’t, that’s alright.” His hand rested over Adam’s heart. “It’s about that day, in the store…

“Remember, we had gone shopping and you were intent on finding the most fabulous shirt on the Strip? You weren’t having much luck and then I saw this shirt, Egyptian cotton, super soft and decorated around the collar with images that looked like your Eye of Horus tattoo. They had one left and it was your size. I showed you and you flipped. You planted a quick kiss on my lips cause you were so excited and then when you let go, I grabbed you by the neck and kissed you back like a really meant it.

“I did mean it Adam. I know we had played this cat and mouse game and I had asked so much of you, to give me space and time to figure out my feelings but I still insisted on hanging out with you, rubbing the emotional distance in your face. But this time, I started it and naturally, you would have thought I had made up my mind.

“We found an empty change room and crammed ourselves into it. I was running my hands all over you and you did the same….and then you cupped my ass and I freaked out. I nearly fell through the curtain door, telling you I couldn’t. I don’t blame you for being mad at me, for storming out. I should have just let you go, not tried to explain something to you that I didn’t understand. You had every right to tell me to leave you alone. I was asking so much of you and giving nothing in return. But before I could figure this out, well…here we are.”

Kris felt something against his leg and looked down, seeing nothing but Adam’s still hand.

“I’ve been really messed up. A lot has gone down while you’ve been hibernating and I’m not going to bore you with the details but I will give you the highlights. I …. love …. you …. Adam …. Lambert.” He paused for silly dramatic effect; Adam would appreciate the effort. “See, I didn’t take it back. I’ll say it again: I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Nothing and no one is holding me back anymore. I realize I’m going to bare the brunt of the love talk and sexy innuendos,” he laughed, “and having you in bed all the time is tempting but I’m going to behave myself. I love you….I respect you….I need you, and I’ll take whatever you can give me.”

Kris took Adam’s hand in his, gently squeezing. Kris closed his eyes, savoring the simple contact and then…..his hand was squeezed back.

At first, Kris didn’t believe it, thinking it was just a muscle twitch. Eyes still closed, he felt it again, a little stronger. Kris opened his eyes and watched the long elegant fingers close around his hand and squeeze. Hoping against hope, Kris raised his gaze to the top of the bed. Adam’s eyelids were flicking. Kris moved up the bed, bringing his face within inches of Adam’s and he stroked the freckled cheek.

“Adam, baby, open your eyes….please. You can do it. Show me your eyes,” he begged softly.

The flickering stopped and then the lids popped open. Kris held his breath. What if it was just another involuntary muscle tick. It had happened once before, months ago, scaring the shit out of him, and it hadn’t happened since.

“Adam? Are you in there?”

The piercing blue pupils rolled to the side and Adam was looking directly at him and Kris could see the glimmer of life in those heavenly orbs. As if that wasn’t enough, Adam smiled at him. It wasn’t a big grin like he used to give Kris but it was a smile none the less. Without hesitation, Kris brushed those pink, freckle dotted lips with his own and Adam kissed him back.

 

NINE MONTHS LATER, ONE YEAR AFTER THE ACCIDENT

The alarm went off. Kris stretched his arm out, fingers wiggling in the air and finally making contact with the edge of the off button. He pushed his face back into his pillow, groaning at the thought of another round of recording. His record company had been pushing him to get this second album done, trying to get it out there in time for the summer.

“Come on Kris, the car will be here soon to pick you up.”

“I don’t want to go to school mom,” he muttered, finally moving when Leila’s hand shook him.

“Very funny, really, time to get up.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

He got up, smacking his lips, cringing at his morning mouth and scratching his hair. Still half asleep, he made his way into the shower, letting the hot water revive him. He brushed his teeth, checked his breath and with a towel around his waist, headed back to the bed and the sleepy body stretched out there.

“Morning baby.”

“Morning already? Damn, the night went too fast.”

“Can’t sleep the day away, as much as we’d like. How are you feeling?”

“Sore.”

“At least you don’t have rehab today. You can stay in bed if you want.”

“Only if you were in here with me.”

“Sorry, no can do.”

“Can’t fault me from asking. No, I should get up before you leave. Mom can’t lift me on her own.”

Adam carefully flexed his limbs, wincing as he moved his right leg. Kris immediately reached for Adam’s leg, rubbing the tight muscles in his calf.

“Better?”

“Always…but there’s another kink you can help me with.”

“Sure. Where?”

“A little farther up.”

Kris’ hand moved to the thigh.

“Higher.”

They moved to his hip.

“To the left.”

They moved to his other hip.

“No, back to the right, half way.”

Kris smirked, realizing where Adam’s directions had taken him.

“Really. You have a kink there.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Didn’t I already treat that kink last night?”

“Still kinky.”

Kris looked at the clock. “I don’t have much time but I’ll do what I can.” He locked the door then came back. Adam had already tossed the blankets aside and was tugging his boxer’s down.

“My, aren’t we anxious?”

“Has to do me until tonight.”

Kris crawled up on the bed beside Adam and started stroking him. He watched his lover’s face glow, his lips mutter little endearments. Kris found he still couldn’t take his eyes off Adam for long. His physical recovery had been long and painful; thankfully, the only brain damage he had suffered was mild seizures, controlled by medication, but his memory and personality were in tact and his voice, his glorious voice, was as strong as ever.

“Faster, Kris….faster.”

“You’re very bossy this morning.”

Adam looked over at Kris, a devilish smile on his face. “Then, give me a tongue lashing.”

Ten minutes later, Kris was handing Adam a wet facecloth so he could clean himself up while Kris got dressed. Adam pulled his boxer’s back up and sat up on the edge of the bed. He reached down to the bottom of the bed and grabbed his sweatpants. He slipped them up his legs and not missing a beat, Kris came over and helped support Adam as he pulled the pants up the rest of the way. Adam sat back down and Kris rummaged in the dresser drawer for Adam’s shirts.

“Bowie or Rolling Stones?”

“Feels like a Bowie day.”

The t-shirt flew through the air and Adam caught it deftly with his strong arm. He pulled it over his head and shoved his feet into his clogs.

“What will it be this morning – chair or cane?”

Adam had had a grueling physio session yesterday and his legs were still rubbery. “I think I’ll start with the chair and move on to the cane later.”

“Excellent choice sir.”

Adam laughed, catching Kris by the hand and bringing him down for a morning kiss.  
“You’re a goof!”

They kissed hotly.

“And you need mouthwash!”

\--*--

Leila had breakfast waiting for them. Kris looked out the front window as Adam maneuvered his wheelchair under the table. His ride was waiting.

“Shit, I have to go.”

“You have to sit and eat. I’ve already talked to him and told him you weren’t going anywhere until you’ve had breakfast. I’ll handle any fallout.”

“Thanks mom,” Adam said.

“Yeah, thanks mom,” Kris echoed. 

“So,” Kris began, chewing on some bacon, “any plans for today? Resting…shopping?”

“I was thinking about giving Simon a call at 19E. I want to get back in the studio.”

“I think that’s a great idea!”

“Really?” Adam took a sip of his orange juice. “You don’t think I’m pushing it too soon?”

“There’s nothing wrong with your voice and I’m sure they’ll accommodate your schedule.”

“Hope so, I really miss it.”

“And your fans miss you. I hear it constantly.”

“Then I’ll do it.”

\--*--

Kris was later getting home than he’d hoped. Leila had dinner staying warm for him in the oven. He kissed her cheek.

“Adam in bed?”

“No, in the living room. Kris…” 

He left the room before she’d finished talking; a little rude, but he wanted to hear how the chat went with Simon. Adam was sitting on the sofa, his cane on the cushions. He was resting his head against his hand and he looked sad. Kris moved the cane aside and sat down.

“Didn’t go well?”

Adam looked at Kris as if he just noticed he’d come in. He smiled and squeezed his knee. “Oh, it went great. They were just waiting for me to make a move.”

“So, what’s wrong?”

Adam shifted so he was facing Kris and he took hold of his hands. “We got a call this afternoon. Kris, Mary passed away in her sleep last night.”

Tears stung his eyes. Adam and Mary had quickly become friends once they were able to have a two-sided conversation but Kris was much closer to her. He was sure he wouldn’t have gotten through all those months without her joy of life and companionship. She hadn’t judged them, obviously aware of Kris’ feelings for his friend. And she never said anything when he’d show up obviously hung over. They had continued visiting her after Adam came home and Kris could tell that recently her health had been deteriorating. 

Adam reached out and wiped away his tears. “Are you alright?”

Kris sniffled. “Yeah. She was quite a lady. Have you heard anything about funeral arrangements?”

“It’s just going to be a simple service at the cemetery.”

“Do you … do you think she had insurance?”

“More than likely but we can make some calls, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking.”

“I’d like to do something for her.”

“So would I.”

\--*--

The funeral party was small – just Adam and Kris, Leila and Eber and some of the staff from the nursing home. As they left the cemetery, the boys were approached by the Chief of Staff.

“Adam, you’re looking well. How are you doing?”

Adam shifted on his bad hip, supported by his cane on one side and Kris on the other. “I’m getting there.”

“Good, good. Kris, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course. Let me help Adam to the car and then I’ll be back.”

Five minutes later, Kris returned.

“We found this in a drawer when we packing up Mary’s things. Your name is on it.” Kris took the envelope. “She thought a lot of you. You and Adam made her last year very happy.”

Kris went back to the car and got in behind the steering wheel.

“What did he have to say?”

He waved the envelope. “He gave me this; it’s from Mary.”

“Are you going to open it?”

Kris nodded and tore it open. He pulled out a note and set the envelope on the seat between him and Adam. He read it over and smiled.

“Can I hear?”

Kris smiled and started reading. “Dearest Kris: I just wanted to thank you for being a blessing to me this past year. Our friendship didn’t start out under the best of circumstances but I’m grateful we met. I know I’m dying and I wanted to leave you something. I’m gifting you my most cherished possession. It brought me years of happiness and I hope it can do the same for you and Adam. Love Mary.”

“A gift?” Adam asked. “Did he give you a package?”

“No just this.” He picked up the envelope and shook it over his opened hand. Her gift fell out into his palm.

Both young men looked at it and teared up. Adam leaned over and they kissed softly. Kris started the car, passing Mary’s most cherished possession to Adam, who held it tenderly in his hand like an offering. The sun shone through the windows as they drove home, dappling the simple, golden wedding band.


End file.
